The sage and the hot potatoes, a bitcoin parable

I n an ancient land there lived a sage, renowned for his wisdom. The creatures of the land held him in the highest regard, for he was generous with his time and thoughtful advice. In his hand he held a staff, which seemed to grant him and his surroundings abundance and tranquility. Holding it brought him peace—it sat comfortably in his hand.

One evening, three brothers gremlin approached him. In their arms they carried baskets, the contents of which were glowing red. The sage observed them from the seat of his chair, and as they neared him they bowed.

“O wise sage,” they said to him. “We come before you with an offer. We bring with us items which we’re sure will be of great interest to you.”

“I see,” the sage responded kindly, with a hint of caution. “And what is it you seek from me in return?”

The gremlins looked at each other, then back at him. “Sage most wise, it is your staff that interests us. We’ve heard you are fond of it, but we’re confident that you will like what we propose to you in exchange. Please permit us to explain.”

The sage paused, and stroked his beard with slight discomfort. “It is true that I am fond of my staff,” he said. “It seems to grant abundance and tranquillity to myself and my surroundings. It sits comfortably in my hand. But you have travelled here, and I have not yet heard about the things you’ve brought with you. I shall listen to what you have to say, and consider it.”

The first brother gremlin

Wasting no time, the first of the three gremlins stepped forward. He was the smallest brother, called Bekash. “Honorable sage,” he began. “Thank you for receiving us with an open mind. Allow me to show you what is in my basket.”

He inched closer and leaned forward, revealing many potatoes glowing with heat. “Behold! As you can see, I have potatoes,” said Bekash. Quickly he added, “but these are no ordinary potatoes,” so as to not sound ridiculous. He continued, “No, in fact, these potatoes have special properties. If you wanted to send them to someone, anywhere in the land, you would find that you could toss them with unusual ease. They can fly great lengths in the air, arriving quickly and without expense.”

“I see,” said the sage, interested. “That sounds like a convenient property, should I wish to send them.”

“Yes. Yes! That’s right, most brilliant sage,” said Bekash excitedly. “I knew you would see their value immediately. If I may draw a comparison, suppose you wanted to send your staff to someone. It would not be nearly as convenient.”

The sage could not deny it, Bekash was right. He thought for a moment. “I will admit you have a point. However, suppose I had no one I wanted to send the potatoes to, at the present moment. What would I do with the potatoes in that case?”

Upon hearing this question, the gremlin recoiled slightly. Gathering himself together, he said, “Great sage, if you had no one to send them to at the present moment, then you cold hold them in your hand until the opportunity arises to send them.”

The sage looked down at the potatoes. Their red glow flickered, and they let off steam. “These potatoes do not look pleasant to hold in my hand, my dear gremlin,” he announced, having made up his mind. “Meanwhile, my staff sits comfortably in my hand. I shall respectfully decline your offer.”

Cringing with disappointment, Bekash bowed, and retreated.

The second brother gremlin

Next, the middle brother called Monro, the scruffiest of the trio, stepped forward with a slight smirk of confidence.

“Wonderous sage, thank you for hearing me. I come before you with potatoes of my own, but I think you will find them far more attractive than my little brother’s.” He titled his basket toward the sage with pride, the red glow reflecting off his face. “Let me tell you—if you wanted to send these potatoes to someone, they would become invisible while they were transported! Only upon being received would they then reappear. I was astounded myself when I learned of how special these potatoes truly are. May I respectively ask, have you ever come upon such a thing, in your many great years of study?”

While the question was a bit presumptuous, the sage was known to be even-tempered, and he was more curious than offended. “No, I have not.”

Monro’s eyes sparkled. “In my humble opinion, great sage, when someone sends something to someone else, it is business between them and them alone. Yet, most items are seen during their transport. The gatekeeper or other nosy folk will see the activity, you can be sure of it. How inappropriate! Forgive me for saying so, but this would certainly be true for your staff. It would be seen during transport, it would indeed. While my potatoes, with their special properties, are quite immune to this problem. Quite immune!” he insisted.

The sage considered the words being spoken, and was impressed. “I agree that business between two parties can be a private matter, and the curiosity of others often infringes upon this,” he mused. “The ability for your potatoes to become invisible during transport is quite special.” Monro looked back at his brothers, grinning. “However,” the sage went on, thinking as he spoke. “Suppose there was no one I wished to send the potatoes to at the present moment. I must ask you as well, gremlin, what good are the potatoes then?”

The grin had left Monro’s face. For some reason, he was not expecting to receive the same inquiry as his younger brother. “Well,” he stammered. “There will surely come a time when you wish to send these potatoes, which are very special, as you yourself have said. Until that time, you could hold them in your hand.”

The sage’s eyes narrowed. “Your potatoes look no more pleasant to hold in my hand than those in the basket presented to me earlier. But my staff sits comfortably in my hand. I do not accept this trade. Please withdraw yourself.” With visible frustration, Monro complied.

The third brother gremlin

The eldest and most clever of the gremlin brothers was called Soleth. As he stepped forward, he appeared calm and unfazed that his younger brothers had had their offers rejected by the sage.

“Honorable mentor,” he said. “Thank you for hearing us, and I apologize that my brothers made proposals you found dissatisfactory, in your great wisdom. Allow me to explain the contents of my basket.” The sage made a subtle motion for him to do so.

“It would be most understandable if you were to react with skepticism when I say that I have also brought potatoes,” Soleth said with awareness. “However, there are things that set my potatoes apart from the rest. I expect you will find them more intriguing than those of my brothers, likely by far.” The sage was listening. “You see,” continued Soleth, “with these potatoes, you can write instructions into them. The instructions are binding, and the potatoes will abide by them. They can automatically send themselves to others, according to the instructions you had earlier wrote into them.”

The sage tilted his head, surprised by the level of sophistication these potatoes had to offer. “Let me see if I understand. It’s like creating a contract, which the potatoes will observe even while I sleep?” he asked.

“Aye, a contract,” the gremlin answered, pleased. “It’s a very smart thing. There are many possibilities that emerge from it. I have thought of some myself, but I’m sure that with your great mind, the potential is limitless.”

Ideas began flooding the sage’s head, exciting him. “Yes, there’s much I could do with these…” he said, gazing out at the sky. Suddenly he caught himself, remembering the criteria which he had used for the previous baskets of potatoes. “But, suppose I had no present need to make such a contract. What would the potatoes provide for me in that situation?”

Soleth had been anticipating this question, and his lips curled into a smile. “Ah ha! A most reasonable concern, wise one. Allow me to reveal a second special property of these potatoes! Whoever holds them in their hand, will find that more of these same potatoes will come to him over time!” This proclamation was announced with such magnificence that even Soleth’s brothers were taken aback with amazement.

The sage sat up straight in his chair. He had not been expecting a different answer than he had received from the first two gremlins. “You say that if I hold these special potatoes in my hand, the quantity of them that I possess will increase?”

“Yes, that’s right,” said Soleth triumphantly.

“Fascinating,” remarked the sage, stroking his beard. “Quite fascinating.” Then he thought for a moment. “But, once I have received more of these potatoes, if I still don’t have a present need to use them for a contract, what shall I do with them?”

The eldest gremlin appeared irritated. “Great sage, you could hold those in your hand as well, and even more potatoes would come under your ownership! I’m sure you can see how your quantity of potatoes might keep growing this way forever!”

The sage looked at him, and at the smoldering basket of red potatoes in his arms. “Yes, what you say makes sense to me. However, the potatoes don’t look pleasant to hold in my hand, no matter how many of them there are. My staff sits comfortably in my hand,” he added.

“You could at least trade the new potatoes you received to someone else!” exclaimed Soleth, in desperation.

“Just as you are trying to do with me now?” the sage retorted. “It may be difficult to find someone who has a present need to use these potatoes for a contract. Searching them out would create a burden for me. My staff creates no burden for me, it sits comfortably in my hand. Gremlins,” he said, raising his voice in declaration, “I have heard your offers and considered them. But none of them do I find acceptable.”

The final offer

The gremlins were thoroughly dismayed that their offers had all been turned aside. “Sage most wise,” they pleaded, “we are in great need of your staff. Magic staffs of abundance like yours are scarce, and no more of them are being made. This being the case, we have decided that we will make you a most generous offer. A trade heavily weighted in your favor!” they said. “We will trade you all three of our baskets of special potatoes, yes, you heard correct! All three!”

But the sage dismissed the idea immediately. “I have no present need to send fiery potatoes to anyone quickly and without expense. I have no present need to send them concealed by invisibility. I have no present need to create a smart contract with them. If I should ever have a present need to do any of these things, I may seek you out and consider a trade. But until then, why would I allow them burn my hand? I would prefer hold my staff.”

Delirious with envy, the gremlins cried out, “we have more brothers nearby! By the names of Xarpee, Cardno and Doj, they all have baskets with special potatoes as well. We can bring them, and trade them all to you! And cousins, yes, cousins! Hundreds! No, thousands of cousins! You can have all the special potatoes of all the land, all for just that one single staff!”

“Enough!” barked the sage, fed up with their impudence. “I have given you my answer. You gremlins are no longer welcome here. Begone!”

Shrieking in fury, they rushed at him to take the staff by force. But the staff protected him, emitting blinding light that stopped the gremlins in their tracks. Their baskets withered, and the scalding potatoes fell onto them. They fled, never to return again, and the sage and his surroundings lived on in abundance and tranquility.